Embers

No, I'm not going to talk about one of my dad's favorite beach bands from back in the day.

It's a cold, rainy Saturday.  One of the coldest since probably February.  For those of you who know me well, you know I detest cold weather.  But, as I've grown older, I've learned to appreciate certain parts of it.

One of those instances was today.  After meeting a friend for coffee this morning, I came back home to a chilly apartment...I have yet to flip the switch from A/C to heat.  I had every intention to run to Winston today--both to see my parents (whom I just found out were at the beach anyway), and to go to the fair again tonight with friends.  [As a side note--that's another one of my reasons I love fall--the fair.  The bright lights, the cotton candy, the yelling game microphones, the ferris wheel, the (nasty) smells near sickening rides, and the sweet smells of Funnel Cake and Turkey Legs.]  Back to my story.  I had intended to go home, but I had pulled into the parking lot of Harris Teeter before I realized my car was no longer en route to my apartment.  Once inside, I found myself buying fire logs and hot chocolate.

Upon arriving, I received the perfect warm welcome that I too often take for granted from the love of my life: my Blitzen.  After popping a large bowl of popcorn, starting a movie, and warming up hot chocolate, we lit the logs and enjoyed a beautiful fire in the fireplace.  You know, that was the selling point that tipped me over the edge on this apartment.  I've always wanted a real fireplace--those gas ones just lose something, don't they?  Anyhow, we curled up right next to the fire (I really was cold) and snuggled up to the warmth it exuded.  What surprised me was that for perhaps the first time ever, Blitz wasn't shoving Nobbly Wobbly (his favorite toy) in my face.  Instead, he just cuddled in my lap craving to be hugged and petted.  It was such a special moment to me. 

We went right on snuggling and watching the movie until Blitz was asleep in my lap and the fire had burned to a soft glow.  As I stared at the red-orange glowing embers, God really started speaking to me.  There's such a duality to the metaphor God posed in those embers.

You know, we always talk about how we want to be 'on fire' for Christ.  Truth is, fires don't burn unless they have fuel.  Not only so, but they burn variably.  We can't spend all our time at our hottest "blue flame" burn; think about it--bad things happen, tribulations come, and life gets tough.  God designed it that way--it develops our character, challenges our faith, and ultimately makes us that much stronger when it's all said and done.  I was encouraged as God told me that it's actually ok to not be perfect...that it's ok to not be a p.115 'superpastor' (for those who only relate to Rob Bell...) all the time, but that it's how we live our lives that speaks most.  Not the way we exude 'perfection' to others--that's an awfully easy way to get run down, now isn't it?  Cause it isn't attainable.  Rather, it's about running to the one who's ready to catch us in His arms and having the faith to know it's ok to be dependent and vulnerable--in fact, it's necessary. 

The flipside is that we have to make sure our 'red-orange glow' isn't the glow of complacency.  As we get comfortable in life, we so often want to keep things the way they are and we unconsciously think our faith is where it should be.  How silly we can be.  Although we can't always be the tallest, warmest, brightest flame, we can always be pursuing the one who shines brightest.   In so doing, we then naturally burn our flame proudly--regardless of how broad or warm.  Instead, it's then reliant on how our Fuel and Source wishes it to burn.  Which is more than good enough for me, I don't know about you.

Analyzing this juxtaposition, I learned that the embers can represent two things:   the despair of a waning fire, on its way to burning out....or the potential of a great and amazing bonfire, yet to be brought out and coaxed.  The glow tells us it is still hot enough to burn, and still has every amount of potential necessary--it just needs a constant renewal of fuel in order to thrive.

The newest update.

.Hey guys,

Yes, it has been a while.  I miss when I would write in this thing every day.  I'm working on making time for that.  In fact, I'm working on making time for a lot of things I used to really value; I made the decision and the plan last night after quite a bit of prayer!  I had started to value things or people that didn't lift me up and encourage me at all.  They didn't value me back.  For whatever reason, I let this happen--and that has never been my nature.  I guess I just wanted to...ugh, nevermind, I have no idea what I wanted to do or what I was thinking.  I'm just a silly girl, i suppose.  But now it's different.  I've got my plan back again--oh how I missed it!  My awesome tipenhugron!

I am now "all grown up" in and in the "real world."  The real world stinks: I hate working.  I'm now an architectural designer for the new hotel going up on Wendover/Green Valley.  I'm working for the company (Quaintance-Weaver) who own the O.Henry Hotel, Green Valley Grill, and all the Lucky 32s, and now the new Proximity Hotel & Bleu Denim Bistro.  I mean, the job (in and of itself) isn't that bad; it's just the times when they start to view me as "errand girl" because i'm new, instead of the designer that they hired me to be, I get upset.  I hate getting up at 6 every day and having to leave my baby at home alone for sometimes 13 hrs at a time (yep.  did I mention I have 12.5 hour work days on Tuesdays?  :( ).   

But life's not all bad; in fact, God's really blessed me.  NOT with the men in my life....all except Blitzen, but with the fact that I got a job and that I've got a great body of Christian friends whom I adore and get the pleasure of seeing all the time.  I have a great accountability partner now, and I'm just trying to get used to this life that's overrun by an 8-5.  Yuck.  I won't let it take over.   LoL.  Thank you all for your love and support over the years, and I am always eager to hear from you: whether in messages, emails, comments, facebook, myspace, etc.  You are my family.

Wow.

I can't believe how I just absolutely forgot about my xanga after all this time.  Xanga has always been such a big thing; I guess all I can blame it on was finishing up the semester and trying to make it to gradution/work.  My most profound apologies!

To update you, I am now working as a Leasing Professional, and am finishing up my 5th year session of I. Architecture.  I had my graduation ceremony a couple weeks ago, and have been working HARD ever since.  My 5th year thesis project is to build a relief/aid center in East Timor, Indonesia--known to be one of the absolute poorest countries on the globe.  It will provide space for the storage and distribution of supplies to the locals, basic medical/dental care units, a community gathering/church space, and housing for the workers from all over who come to help.  I have moved away from a very bad situation in my other apartment, and am now very happy with my new living arrangements!  I work 9-6 on the days that I don't have class, and on M&W I have class from 9-5.  It is a FULL schedule, and blitzen is trying his best to keep up with me.  He's adorable as ever, by the way!  Also, I will be one year older on Wednesday!  For now, that's all I can think to update you on, but I hope to be doing this daily again, now that it's "summer" (though I'm more busy now than ever)!

Filling you all in:

So, um, i found out i might not graduate. You see, it's a long story.
We had that meeting at 4 ( for all the 4th year students)...our department head passed on a message to us.
...that the government just passed a new thing for summer classes in all universities where if you don't have at least 15 students in the class, they won't fund it and they can't have the class.  Well, half of us are depending on this 5th year summer studio to graduate. The thing is, we aren't sure if there will be 15 of us wanting the class.  You see, always in years past, if there weren't 15, we were able to talk to the university and create wiggle room since it was so vital to our program and to graduating.  Now that it is Statewide Government Standard, we can't do that bc the university can't do a darn thing.
IF that class doesn't make it, then that means we'll ALL be registering for the fall semester.  There are 36 of us total.  There are only 18 slots for the fall class.  What happens to the other 18 of us?  Delayed another semester?  And so on....and so on.....

Please pray!!!

If only

If only I knew the answers to life's problems

If only I could get all of this schoolwork done

If only I knew how to properly do what I'm trying to do in Flash

If only I had time for a job so that I could have money to buy lunch at the EUC or go out with my friends at night.  Well, while we're dreaming I might as well say....

If only I won the 365 million dollar powerball lottery that is going on now so that I'd never have to work and could build my dream home and have anything I ever needed for the rest of my and my family's life

If only I didn't have to go to dance class this morning

If only I knew where I will be working when I graduate

If only I was ALREADY graduated

If only I could talk to Christ face-to-face...how cool will that be?!!!

If only I wasn't so addicted to coffee

If only I had enough time to do what I had to do without being stressed for the little time I have to do the things I WANT to do.

If only I could be 8 again...young enough to still be dependant on my parents and living in my childhood home (which will always be my dream home), but still not old enough yet to hate school or be stressed out.  All I had to worry about was Mrs. Dycus' 3rd grade class, going outside to play in "the tunnel" with Kimberly and Barbara Walters (yes, that was really her last name), and coming back inside to run from the torture of a big brother.  Ah.  I miss those days.

This list will be updated often as things arise lol.   But don't mind the 'what-ifs', I'm a lucky girl.  I've got way more good things than bad things in my life right now, and many can't say that.  As a matter of fact, there have been many times that I haven't felt I could say that.  A lot.  God has blessed me, and no matter my current situation, I have to promise myself, Him, and all of you that I will try to keep my eyes on the fantastic things around me....like you, if you're reading :).